I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
