Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
