So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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