he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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