i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
