she looked like the bat from fern gully.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
