jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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