New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Did I show you my penis last night?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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