I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize