did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Sext me about skeletons
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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