it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
