Christians are straight up FREAKS
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i now understand why vodka
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
