he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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