I hate your face
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
