we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
