I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
