I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
