there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
