New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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