Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
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I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
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Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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