She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Randomize
