can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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