I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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