Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
