Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
