The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
