my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
