so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
