And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
