I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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