you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
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