Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
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After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
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I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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