Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
