and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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