I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
