I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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