is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
