I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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