I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
