Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
