Already got asked if we're dating
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
