sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
