Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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