i may or may not be watching the land before time
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
