I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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