Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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