When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You ate ashes out of my bong
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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