The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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