wat bout pragnant strippers??
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
