I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
