Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
