i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
