Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
