my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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