i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
