Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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