So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
