his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
