I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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