I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
are you so shy because you have an std?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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