Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
