Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
