So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
