the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
