cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
