sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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