Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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